My thoughts on the abortion anesthesia bill

So there is debate, even among pro-lifers, about a bill that is being proposed. The bill would require abortion providers to give anesthesia to unborn babies before late term abortions. Some pro-lifers see this as a good thing (primarily those in support of incremental changes) and others think it is more favorable for the pro-choice side of the fence (primarily those who push for full and immediate abolition of abortion). I would say I tend to fall in the middle of the two extremes, believing some incremental changes are significant enough to be happy about while other "changes" are nothing I will celebrate. The abortion anesthesia legislation doesn't fall completely to either side for me, but leans more towards the latter. I get the idea... if abortions are going to be carried out on these poor children, at least give them something to make it less painful. Unlike some radical abolitionist groups (I won't say who, lest I be attacked by anyone for calling them out), I'm not going to point fingers at incrementalists and call them traitors or show up at their churches shaming them. I do see where they are coming from on this bill, and I see the heart behind it all. However, I hardly see this legislation as anything deserving of applause. I don't believe this bill gets the pro-life movement anywhere and I will explain why I feel this way.

Incremental pro-lifers seem to think that, by drawing attention to the fact that unborn babies feel pain at a certain point in pregnancy, it will put the subject of their humanity on the table for discussion. While this may wake some of our fellow Americans to the reality of cold-blooded murder, I don't believe the majority of Americans are really naive enough to believe that a fetus really isn't a person who feels pain or that abortion is not a form of killing. Though they may have rehearsed the lines, "abortion doesn't take a life" over and over to themselves, I'm pretty sure they know the truth. It is the act of putting a human being to death. Basic biology is all that is needed to know here. Being active in the pro-life movement for several years now, I have noticed a disturbing trend among those in the abortion industry. They now know that their "It's not a baby" lie is no longer holding as much water with the American public as it used to while new medical information surfaces surrounding unborn life. But they aren't ready to give up. They are simply changing their game strategy and coming up with new excuses.

1) "Okay, yes, it's a person. But it is a person invading another person's body without their permission."

You are justified in killing someone who intrudes into your home, aren't you? (Although, when you bring up the issue of gun use on invaders or rapists, they tell us to pee on ourselves instead and contradict themselves. Gotta love that.) So, too, they say a woman is justified in killing a person who intrudes into your uterus. As if most women (not including those forcibly raped) didn't do anything to invite the "intruder" in. The unborn child is painted as a monster that has attacked them when they thought they were safe. Women are led to believe that abortion is an act of defense against an attacker. You don't need to believe that the unborn are inhuman or incapable of feeling pain to follow this line of thought. All that is needed is to convince a woman that the child is an enemy. And in a fragile emotional state like a crisis pregnancy, she's likely to believe it.

2) "Abortion is a necessary sacrifice."

In the midst of making a decision on abortion versus carrying to term (after which a woman can raise the child herself or give the child up for adoption), two lives are indeed at stake. Many of them will admit this. Yet there are many circumstances, they say, where one of those lives must be sacrificed for the well-being of the other. I'm not just talking about instances where the mother's health is at risk. Their idea of these circumstances could be anything from financial issues to having too many children already to a woman having a panic attack after finding out she is pregnant. In all of these cases, the mother's life is at stake to them. And the mother's life triumphs over the life in her womb. The choice of a woman to put her own stability and happiness before her child's life is heroic in the pro-choice community. Add in that she did it for the well-being over her already-born children or because she didn't want the unborn child to have a bad life, and I'll be shocked if she doesn't receive a medal of honor. They KNOW it is a life and they know perfectly well there is a possibility that this life feels pain. The pain it is causing the woman and others in her care, though, is far worse from their perspective.

3) "Abortion needs to be available because the world is overpopulated."

We all know that abortion is a prime tool championed by environmentalists who believe that humans are the earth's greatest undoing and that there isn't enough room in the world for 7 billion more people. Many of these people see nothing wrong with abortions being done in mass numbers to keep our population from multiplying. Some even favor a one-child policy in the United States like the one in China. The pain we are causing the earth and its women by "forcing them to breed" children that the world does not have enough food to feed far exceeds the value of an unborn life.

I could be wrong, so don't think that I'm saying I am 100% certain, but I don't think abortion, especially late-term abortion, exists because a whole bunch of people really believe they are just scraping out a mass of cells and tissue. If we reached a point where we could prove with absolute certainty that an unborn child feels pain even from the moment of conception, I don't believe there would be any shortage of abortion advocates parading around with their "Abortion on demand and without apology" and "Keep abortion legal" signs. In fact, I think many of them could use this anesthesia bill as a means for their own gain. How unlikely does the following scenario sound?

"ATTENTION ALL AMERICAN WOMEN! Are you considering an abortion? Do you feel guilty because abortion will cause your unborn child pain and torment? I have good news for you! New legislation allows you to have your unborn baby anesthetized and numbed so that they don't feel a thing! No more guilt! So don't delay... book your appointment with Planned Parenthood today and receive the solution to your tragic pregnancy at taxpayers' expense."

Oh yeah, and you don't really think they are gonna be satisfied with making the women pay for the anesthetics themselves, do you? Even if it starts out that way, it is likely that the money for it will be coming out of your pocket at some point. I don't mean to sound like a pessimist, but taxes are most likely here to stay in this country. And whether or not your taxes are formally earmarked for abortion and the proposed anesthesia for the victimized child or secretly smuggled into abortion funds without you knowing it, it will most likely continue. Jesus wasn't joking when He said the love of many will wax cold. If this bill passes, I'm predicting MORE abortions, both legal and illegal. I can only PRAY that I am wrong and I certainly hope I am. But I've interacted with enough pro-choicers to know how they think and how they twist well-intentioned measures like this for their own benefit.

Letter #1 to my sibling...

Dear aborted sibling,

I’ve decided to begin writing letters to you. I believe that if you were given a chance to live, I would have you to lean on for love and comfort. I believe I would have had you to tell my desires, my hurts, and my frustrations when I could tell no one else. So I’ll tell you anyway even though you are no longer on this earth. First, I’ll give you a brief summary of where I am at in life right now.

I am a 25-year-old college student with the emotional stability of a young teenage girl who has just entered adolescence and puberty. It doesn’t make me happy to admit it, but it’s the truth. I’m like a broken wooden toy that tries to fix itself but becomes more broken in the process, eventually leading to severe damage that only an experienced Carpenter can fix. I have found that Carpenter, but because of my brokenness, I am unable to feel genuine love from Him or anyone else. I was never taught how to feel love or recognize it in its truest form. I am scared to let Him fix me because I know that pieces of myself will have to come apart for me to be put back together correctly. I am afraid of the pain that will come with taking me apart. I wish I could stop being so afraid.

There’s more I could mention about how I got to the disfigured state I’m in, but I’ll just leave it at that… I am broken and helpless. Everything in me aches. When I think back on my life, for some reason it is hard for me to recall the happier memories, although I do know there are many of them. But instead, my mind only wants to remember the pain, the fear, the anger, and all the disappointment that is scattered all over the path I have walked. Looking forward, I can make out some great things in the distance, but I often wonder if they are merely mirages… illusions of a bright future that will disappear as I move closer to them. Or worse… what if they are real, but after I’ve gotten a taste of the happiness they bring, a thief runs by and steals them from me?

My beloved sibling, I am stuck. I’m waist deep in mud, I’m dirty, worn, and cold. Right now I have no strength to get myself unstuck. I’ve called upon God to get me out of this mess, but there is so much dirt in my eyes that I can’t see if He’s coming to my rescue or not yet. There is dirt in my ears, so I cannot hear Him. My arms are held down, so I cannot feel Him. If He is near, I am having trouble sensing His presence. Part of me doesn’t care if I die here. If I do, He will come and carry my lifeless body to a place where I can find rest, love, and comfort. Sometimes this sounds better than continuing on the road I’m on, but I know that if it is His will that I keep going, I must do so with whatever life I have left.

I suppose that is all I have to say for now. I have no doubt that you are happy in heaven, and for that, I am glad. You wouldn’t want to be in this world, anyhow. It’s too dark and cruel. Take it from someone who has lived in it. Rest in peace, my sibling. If you will, please be at the gates waiting for me when I arrive someday. I can’t wait to hug you for the first time. I love you.

Yours truly,

Shay

...and Republicans are beginning to irk me, too.

So the GOP is now giving nods to pro-abortion candidates. How lovely! Everyone, including conservatives, are further dehumanizing the unborn with their political agendas. Unbelievable. And some of them claim to be CHRISTIANS?! Another reason why I have been backing away from the term "Christian" and labeling myself as a "Christ follower" instead. Anyone who truly follows the Christ in the bible wouldn't dare to say that women should be able to murder their children. I think they are misunderstanding some things about Jesus. Would Jesus be nice to a woman who has had 20 abortions? Of course He would! Jesus came to earth for sinners, after all! And not one of us is pure of sin. He has compassion and love for all of us. Would He tell her that He condones her choices and that it was OK to have her unborn children murdered? I highly doubt it. 

"Jesus said, 'Let the little children come to me, and do not hinder them, for the kingdom of heaven belongs to such as these.'" -Matthew 19:14

If any of those candidates were from my state, I would not vote for them, regardless of what political party they were affiliated with. Excuses are made for them such as they, "support banning abortion after 20 weeks". I agree that is better than nothing, and for now I suppose that is fine, but what about the future? A child born at 20 weeks can potentially survive with medical assistance. WHAT IS THE POINT?! I'm not impressed by late-term abortion bans. Sure, these pro-abortion GOP senators will agree with some pro-life measures. But if we keep pushing personhood for the unborn, are they going to support that? Probably not. They will team up with the Democrats and kill any personhood bill introduced. And what is sad is that, in Massachusetts, the pro-life candidate running is on the Independent ticket. I don't know how likely it is that he will win, but if I were from Massachusetts, I would actually vote for him over the Republican guy.

Lord, have mercy on us.

The green in my eyes

I cried a lot tonight. And the tears keep coming. There is one interesting thing I just noticed when I looked in the mirror. When I have sobbed my heart out and my eyes are so red that a bull would charge at me if he saw my face, the green in the iris of my eyes really stands out clearly.

Lord, God, please show me some love tonight. I don't care how late I have to stay up to get it. I need to feel love. I do not feel it coming from anywhere else. All I feel from my surroundings is callousness, pity, and abandonment. I don't even feel love for myself. I feel nothing.

Without any further confirmation, I'm guessing this was a joke.

As an abortion opponent, I agree abortion is detestable and that some of the things abortion advocates may do to rally support for abortion can be just as disgusting. However, we must use common sense, especially when we read things on the internet. Not everything we see or read in cyberspace is real. Sometimes they are jokes, albeit terrible ones, but still jokes. Hearing about a GoFundMe account someone started to pay for an abortion didn't surprise me. The link given on this article is now broken, because apparently the campaign was ended, so I can't see what it actually said myself. But if the description of the campaign on this article did exist, and I do believe it did because a lot of people are just sick like that, I have no choice but to call B.S. on the campaign. It sounds like either a gross joke played by abortion advocates or an attempt by fellow abortion opponents to draw attention to abortion in a deceitful manner. Yes, we want to expose abortion for what it is, but lying to get to that point is not really a smart option.

LifeNews.com (a site I love and go to often, don't get me wrong) appears to have fallen for the joke. They say that the website for the campaign claimed they were raising funds for a friend who was unexpectedly pregnant and needed to get rid of her fetus. At first, it sounds convincing. They list reasons like how she is broke, scared, and doesn't have a job. Typical reasons pro-aborts give to excuse abortion. Then the reasons start to sound more and more selfish. She has "no desire to raise a child". Another excuse I have heard many times. They claim that sex is not consent for a parasitic fetus to use their bodies and force them to be parents when they don't want to be. Okay. But then we come to other reasons like she can't afford a baby because she needs money for cigarettes and alcohol and going to rock concerts. That's the moment where it hit me...

...I think someone created that campaign to gain attention. Sure, I know there are really some wackos out there who would get an abortion so they can party on, but one of the main goals of the abortion rights movement is make abortion sound necessary, beneficial, and unselfish. This does just the opposite. If by some chance this campaign WAS serious, they would actually be hurting their cause. It would give more credibility to our claim, as pro-lifers, that abortion is done for selfish reasons. I'm not sure if I believe a pro-abort would drive a nail in the coffin of their own cause that way. They are misled and in denial, yes, but that doesn't necessarily mean they are dumb. In fact, they are known for their sneakiness and clever wordplay. The campaign sounds fake. I don't know this for sure, but it is my guess. It sounds like it was created by someone who is anti-abortion and is going to extreme lengths to prove a point. But here is some advice... we should not lie to prove any points. Lies are what fuels the pro-abortion cause. We are not to follow suit. We are to expose the truth. Making up stories destroys our credibility and gets us nowhere.

Of course, if this campaign was true (and it might be despite my suspicions. I'm not claiming to know the whole truth on this), it's a sign to Christ-followers that the people who created it, particularly the woman seeking abortion, needs serious prayer.

A unique form of trauma and grief

Coming to terms fully with the loss of my sibling (whom I strongly believe was a brother) and staring the reality of it in the face has only come about recently. As my followers may have read in another post, I have known for a long time about my mother's abortion. But my grief was delayed and I feel somewhat angry with myself for this. Even though I have experienced delayed grief over other losses in the past, never did it take almost 20 years to be able to shed more than just a tear or two occasionally over a death. So in addition to feeling sadness and depression, there are also feelings of guilt and shame, not just for continuing to exist while his existence was shattered, but for being void of any true feeling about his death for so long.

I have spoken to caring, well-meaning people about what I've felt over the past few weeks. I told them how it started with bitterness and anger towards those who I believed to be sell-outs to the pro-life cause (I feel bad for feeling those things as well, since I know my anger isn't truly directed at them) and ended with an honest evaluation of myself that led me to the conclusion that I was hurting, without even knowing it, over this injustice that happened 15 years prior to my birth. I was hurting and I'd kept that truth from myself for a long time, choosing to focus on other hurts that actually happened to me directly and have lived to see myself. 

I've gotten quite a variety of responses to the news of my new-found grief. One response was, in not so many words, "I understand your grief. It's okay to mourn. But the abortion was meant to happen due to circumstances at the time. The baby is in heaven. So don't worry and just be thankful that you were born." Others understood that the abortion that took place was wrong and should never have happened, understood my sadness, but I noticed hesitation in talking about the situation and eagerness to change the subject so that I would focus on other problems I have that are fixable. True, I have many problems that need to be addressed. I don't deny that. I know these people are trying to love me and look out for me and I appreciate their care and concern for me as a whole. But right now, my ability to focus on everything other than the abortion is damaged. It is there 24/7, whatever I do, wherever I go. It's not quite as easy to escape as some might think. Then of course, there was the relieving "you're not alone" response from someone who is also a post-abortive sibling. I felt the strong urge last night to reach out to her because I knew she would understand the most. 

This is truly one of those unique predicaments to be in where someone has to be caught in the same trap to be able to really relate. It is different from a parent's post-abortive grief, because it was not your own child that was aborted. For siblings, we may not have even been alive when the abortion happened. But we experience the tragedy of it in our own unique way. It is a specific brand of trauma. One might ask how this is trauma. "You weren't even born when it happened, so how did it traumatize you?". Think back to September 11, 2001. If you are American, you know what happened on that day. If you were alive and at an age of understanding at the time (in other words, if you are about 18 years or older) you probably remember. I'm not sure about people in other parts of the United States, but specifically those of us in and around the Tri-State area, we were traumatized by those terrorist attacks. Not all of us had family or friends who were in those towers, but just the thought of something like that happening so close to home was terrifying. For a while afterward, we would actually feel discomfort whenever we saw airplanes flying over our heads. We didn't want to be in crowded areas. We were scared.

No, there were no images of my mom's abortion. There was no live television broadcasts showing it happening. Thousands of people did not die when it took place (although I'm sure other babies were being aborted in other rooms of the facility my mom was taken to at the time). But I have seen pictures of aborted babies. I have seen videos of what happens during an abortion. After all, I've been in the pro-life movement for close to 4 years now. I know what an unborn baby looks like at 13 weeks (that was how far along my mom was when the abortion took place). There IS a person there. They have arms and legs, they have a heartbeat and brain waves. And according to this ultrasound picture, they also have the ability to cover their eyes in response to light at this period of gestation.

Yes, to imagine a tiny family member, who is obviously human, being torn to pieces and suctioned away like trash is traumatizing. I remember years ago having a dream about babies falling out of windows to their deaths and seeing them bleeding on the ground in pieces. This dream occurred way before I ever got involved in the pro-life movement. Could that dream have been symbolic of an event that affected my own life, even though I was yet to be born when it happened? This matter isn't a joke. This isn't an attempt to attract attention. This is real. And this is unlike any other trauma I've experienced in my life. So this is something quite new and scary to me. I'm sad, I'm angry, I'm terrified, I'm confused, I'm ashamed, and I'm alone... or at least it feels that way.

To be clear on what I think of incremental change in the pro-life movement...

As I read over all of my posts before this one, I discovered that I may have given off a wrong impression on something. It may seem I am one of those pro-lifers who believes nothing other than the complete criminalization of abortion is acceptable as progress. I don't want to mislead people into thinking this is true. Clearly, my goal is to see Roe v. Wade overturned and abortion banned and I do believe that should be the ultimate goal of all pro-lifers. We should continue to push personhood of the unborn... that is what I want to see... the recognition of the personhood of the innocents being slaughtered. However, I am absolutely NOT against doing what we can to save as many unborn children as we can in the meantime. I applaud those who pray in front of abortion clinics and counsel women to choose life. Heck, that is what I choose to do as a career when I finish college... counsel women in crisis pregnancies. I applaud the closing of abortion clinics and changing hearts and minds about the issue. I don't have a problem with progress. What I have a problem with is people saying that our pro-life work should end there and that we should not be enforcing pro-life laws. I have a problem with them saying that we shouldn't fight Roe v. Wade.

How quickly people forget what they've learned in their history classes. Did you know that when slavery was legal, not everyone owned slaves? There have always been people who thought slavery was wrong and chose not to participate. Not all of those people tried to fight for the rights of slaves though. Some chose to keep quiet and mind their own business. Many brave Americans risked their lives to free as many slaves as they could through underground railroads and hiding slaves in their homes. Still others pushed for the establishment of free states where slavery was not allowed. However, there were still slave states. If an African American was lucky enough to be born in a free state, praise God! They were spared and that was a great thing. But what about the ones born in slave states? They were still victimized simply because of the color of their skin. There was progress, and progress was good while slavery was still the law of the land. But there was no way that slavery was going to disappear by simply trying to win hearts over little by little. There was no way it was going to end by "leaving it to the states". Something else had to be done. There had to be people willing to put up a fight. There had to be abolitionists.

 Stephen Douglas was a U.S. Senator who agreed to allow states to determine

 their own slavery laws as they saw fit. To him, the concept of self-government

 took precedence over putting an end to the cruelty of slavery. Much like the

 mainstream Libertarian/Anarchist view of abortion takes precedence over ending

 abortion (I say mainstream because I'm aware that more conservative

Libertarians exist who have enough common sense to see that

this is a bad approach to the issue). Shall we allow history to repeat itself?

Now, I am not suggesting we have another civil war over abortion or that we pick up our guns and go shooting people who advocate abortion. I'm not suggesting violence. But I am suggesting using the law to fight them. I do believe God is calling us to overturn Roe v. Wade and I know that God never expects us to do such things on our own. But sometimes, we must display faith in Him first and do as He commands. Sometimes we are still called to march around cities blowing horns, to part seas, to lead tribes into battle, and to drive the moneychangers out of temples. No, none of these in a literal sense (although all of these were once literally carried out), but in a metaphorical one. The Israelites couldn't just sit there in their camp, expecting God to fight their cause while they looked on, mouths agape. They had to GET UP AND MOVE! God told them to MOVE before He would act on their behalf and defeat the enemy! Where would our nation be if people didn't get off their butts and MOVE to end slavery? Still in slavery! How many of the following statements regarding abortion would be accepted by pro-lifers who want nothing to do with making abortion illegal?

-"I am personally against slavery, but it's a person's choice whether or not they own slaves."

-"I believe slavery should be safe, legal, and rare."

-"Slavery is wrong, but who am I to force my beliefs upon someone else?"

-"We should just convince people why slavery is wrong and save as many slaves as possible."

-"Slavery is just as common in other countries that ban it... it is just done in secret in those nations."

-"Banning slavery won't stop people from owning slaves."

-"Each state should decide whether they allow slavery or not."

And may I remind you that the reason the courts allowed Roe v. Wade to become law of the land was to continue slavery in a concealed form? They could no longer oppress blacks by owning them as legal property. Now they were considered human beings equal to whites who had their own rights. And they were reproducing in mass numbers! Oh my! So what did elitist white America do? They decided to reduce the black population in a much sneakier way... by convincing them to limit their numbers, swallow birth control chemicals, agree to sterilization for government help, and have their babies destroyed before they ever saw the light of day. Here was Roe v. Wade, the ideal opportunity to legalize said destruction under the guise of liberating women! The red carpet leading to their racist dreams could not have been more perfectly laid out for them. And we who claim to be pro-life are going to allow this injustice to continue under the law because we don't want to offend people, anger them, and/or drive them to start riots and rebellions?

HOW ABOUT "NO"?! Doing what we can for the time being while personhood and the abolition of abortion is in the works is one thing. Doing what we can while leaving it to humanity to decide whether murder is right or wrong in their own eyes is completely different. It sounds like a nice ending to a fairytale. But we are not living in a fairytale. We live in reality.

Return to Sender

I do not own the rights to the original picture. I just altered it a bit to express my feelings about how abortion is, among many other things (wrong, selfish, despicable, etc), RUDE. It's unbelievably rude... an insult to the Creator. When someone puts their time and effort into making something for you, it's rude to send it back ungratefully. Abortion is no different.

Abortion = "Sorry, God. Your gift is unwanted."

Tears in Heaven

I guess I can sort of relate to this song. Apparently Eric Clapton wrote this song after his 4-year-old son fell to his death from an open window. Different from my grief, since it was not my child who died but my mother's child. And he didn't die accidentally from falling out of a window. He was dismembered and discarded as medical waste.

Oh no! The Duggars are influencing people to have big families!

For those of you who also follow pro-life news... is it just me, or does it seem like abortion advocates are running scared because of the Duggar family? Is all of the criticism and mockery really just for kicks and giggles? If so, wouldn't seeing more families follow suit be doing them a favor since it would add to their entertainment? After all, having a large family would be my personal CHOICE, right? I'm strongly considering throwing my hat in that ring! I'm looking forward to one day having babies.

But seriously, the amount of attention they have been paying to the Duggar family almost seems to border on obsession. Look at all of the closely-scheduled publicity they are getting from just ONE pro-abortion news outlet, Crushable:

June 21, 2014: They mad fun of Jill Duggar and husband Derick Dillard for waiting until their wedding day for their first kiss.

June 22, 2014: They decide to comment on Jill's wedding dress. I give them credit for actually complimenting the beautiful bride (if that compliment was even genuine), but then they make fun of the wedding dress choices of other members of the Duggar family.

June 24, 2014: They say farewell to childless Jill and an unwelcomed hello to a married woman who wants to become a mother.

June 25: 2014: They use their dirty minds to twist something Jill said about Derick's trumpet-playing skills contributing to the fact that he's a good kisser. I don't know if trumpet-playing has anything to do with being good at kissing, but if it doesn't, big deal. How do these pro-aborts know that Jill wasn't just making a little joke? And to turn what she said into, "Her Husband Blows Her Like a Trumpet"... that's seriously perverted.

Then there is a 2-month interlude between posts about Jill Duggar while the abortion advocates begin attacking Jessa Duggar. And alas, by mid-August, the fun with Jill Duggar begins again!

August 20, 2014: Making fun of Jill getting pregnant eight weeks after her wedding. Ummm... so what? They're married.

September 3, 2014: Abortion advocates gag themselves because Jill and Derick announced their pregnancy shortly after learning they were pregnant and because they added a pro-life message to their announcement. It was Jill and Derick's CHOICE to do all of these things the way they did, but you didn't actually think they were really for choice, right?

Call me quick to jump to conclusions, but behind all of the hilarity, I smell fear. Fear that the idea of larger families may once again be embraced by some couples in our society. Fear that more pro-life children will be raised to fight against their precious Roe v. Wade. Fear that abortion is in the beginning stages of aborting itself.