Letter #1 to my sibling...

Dear aborted sibling,

I’ve decided to begin writing letters to you. I believe that if you were given a chance to live, I would have you to lean on for love and comfort. I believe I would have had you to tell my desires, my hurts, and my frustrations when I could tell no one else. So I’ll tell you anyway even though you are no longer on this earth. First, I’ll give you a brief summary of where I am at in life right now.

I am a 25-year-old college student with the emotional stability of a young teenage girl who has just entered adolescence and puberty. It doesn’t make me happy to admit it, but it’s the truth. I’m like a broken wooden toy that tries to fix itself but becomes more broken in the process, eventually leading to severe damage that only an experienced Carpenter can fix. I have found that Carpenter, but because of my brokenness, I am unable to feel genuine love from Him or anyone else. I was never taught how to feel love or recognize it in its truest form. I am scared to let Him fix me because I know that pieces of myself will have to come apart for me to be put back together correctly. I am afraid of the pain that will come with taking me apart. I wish I could stop being so afraid.

There’s more I could mention about how I got to the disfigured state I’m in, but I’ll just leave it at that… I am broken and helpless. Everything in me aches. When I think back on my life, for some reason it is hard for me to recall the happier memories, although I do know there are many of them. But instead, my mind only wants to remember the pain, the fear, the anger, and all the disappointment that is scattered all over the path I have walked. Looking forward, I can make out some great things in the distance, but I often wonder if they are merely mirages… illusions of a bright future that will disappear as I move closer to them. Or worse… what if they are real, but after I’ve gotten a taste of the happiness they bring, a thief runs by and steals them from me?

My beloved sibling, I am stuck. I’m waist deep in mud, I’m dirty, worn, and cold. Right now I have no strength to get myself unstuck. I’ve called upon God to get me out of this mess, but there is so much dirt in my eyes that I can’t see if He’s coming to my rescue or not yet. There is dirt in my ears, so I cannot hear Him. My arms are held down, so I cannot feel Him. If He is near, I am having trouble sensing His presence. Part of me doesn’t care if I die here. If I do, He will come and carry my lifeless body to a place where I can find rest, love, and comfort. Sometimes this sounds better than continuing on the road I’m on, but I know that if it is His will that I keep going, I must do so with whatever life I have left.

I suppose that is all I have to say for now. I have no doubt that you are happy in heaven, and for that, I am glad. You wouldn’t want to be in this world, anyhow. It’s too dark and cruel. Take it from someone who has lived in it. Rest in peace, my sibling. If you will, please be at the gates waiting for me when I arrive someday. I can’t wait to hug you for the first time. I love you.

Yours truly,

Shay

...and Republicans are beginning to irk me, too.

So the GOP is now giving nods to pro-abortion candidates. How lovely! Everyone, including conservatives, are further dehumanizing the unborn with their political agendas. Unbelievable. And some of them claim to be CHRISTIANS?! Another reason why I have been backing away from the term "Christian" and labeling myself as a "Christ follower" instead. Anyone who truly follows the Christ in the bible wouldn't dare to say that women should be able to murder their children. I think they are misunderstanding some things about Jesus. Would Jesus be nice to a woman who has had 20 abortions? Of course He would! Jesus came to earth for sinners, after all! And not one of us is pure of sin. He has compassion and love for all of us. Would He tell her that He condones her choices and that it was OK to have her unborn children murdered? I highly doubt it. 

"Jesus said, 'Let the little children come to me, and do not hinder them, for the kingdom of heaven belongs to such as these.'" -Matthew 19:14

If any of those candidates were from my state, I would not vote for them, regardless of what political party they were affiliated with. Excuses are made for them such as they, "support banning abortion after 20 weeks". I agree that is better than nothing, and for now I suppose that is fine, but what about the future? A child born at 20 weeks can potentially survive with medical assistance. WHAT IS THE POINT?! I'm not impressed by late-term abortion bans. Sure, these pro-abortion GOP senators will agree with some pro-life measures. But if we keep pushing personhood for the unborn, are they going to support that? Probably not. They will team up with the Democrats and kill any personhood bill introduced. And what is sad is that, in Massachusetts, the pro-life candidate running is on the Independent ticket. I don't know how likely it is that he will win, but if I were from Massachusetts, I would actually vote for him over the Republican guy.

Lord, have mercy on us.

The green in my eyes

I cried a lot tonight. And the tears keep coming. There is one interesting thing I just noticed when I looked in the mirror. When I have sobbed my heart out and my eyes are so red that a bull would charge at me if he saw my face, the green in the iris of my eyes really stands out clearly.

Lord, God, please show me some love tonight. I don't care how late I have to stay up to get it. I need to feel love. I do not feel it coming from anywhere else. All I feel from my surroundings is callousness, pity, and abandonment. I don't even feel love for myself. I feel nothing.

Without any further confirmation, I'm guessing this was a joke.

As an abortion opponent, I agree abortion is detestable and that some of the things abortion advocates may do to rally support for abortion can be just as disgusting. However, we must use common sense, especially when we read things on the internet. Not everything we see or read in cyberspace is real. Sometimes they are jokes, albeit terrible ones, but still jokes. Hearing about a GoFundMe account someone started to pay for an abortion didn't surprise me. The link given on this article is now broken, because apparently the campaign was ended, so I can't see what it actually said myself. But if the description of the campaign on this article did exist, and I do believe it did because a lot of people are just sick like that, I have no choice but to call B.S. on the campaign. It sounds like either a gross joke played by abortion advocates or an attempt by fellow abortion opponents to draw attention to abortion in a deceitful manner. Yes, we want to expose abortion for what it is, but lying to get to that point is not really a smart option.

LifeNews.com (a site I love and go to often, don't get me wrong) appears to have fallen for the joke. They say that the website for the campaign claimed they were raising funds for a friend who was unexpectedly pregnant and needed to get rid of her fetus. At first, it sounds convincing. They list reasons like how she is broke, scared, and doesn't have a job. Typical reasons pro-aborts give to excuse abortion. Then the reasons start to sound more and more selfish. She has "no desire to raise a child". Another excuse I have heard many times. They claim that sex is not consent for a parasitic fetus to use their bodies and force them to be parents when they don't want to be. Okay. But then we come to other reasons like she can't afford a baby because she needs money for cigarettes and alcohol and going to rock concerts. That's the moment where it hit me...

...I think someone created that campaign to gain attention. Sure, I know there are really some wackos out there who would get an abortion so they can party on, but one of the main goals of the abortion rights movement is make abortion sound necessary, beneficial, and unselfish. This does just the opposite. If by some chance this campaign WAS serious, they would actually be hurting their cause. It would give more credibility to our claim, as pro-lifers, that abortion is done for selfish reasons. I'm not sure if I believe a pro-abort would drive a nail in the coffin of their own cause that way. They are misled and in denial, yes, but that doesn't necessarily mean they are dumb. In fact, they are known for their sneakiness and clever wordplay. The campaign sounds fake. I don't know this for sure, but it is my guess. It sounds like it was created by someone who is anti-abortion and is going to extreme lengths to prove a point. But here is some advice... we should not lie to prove any points. Lies are what fuels the pro-abortion cause. We are not to follow suit. We are to expose the truth. Making up stories destroys our credibility and gets us nowhere.

Of course, if this campaign was true (and it might be despite my suspicions. I'm not claiming to know the whole truth on this), it's a sign to Christ-followers that the people who created it, particularly the woman seeking abortion, needs serious prayer.

A unique form of trauma and grief

Coming to terms fully with the loss of my sibling (whom I strongly believe was a brother) and staring the reality of it in the face has only come about recently. As my followers may have read in another post, I have known for a long time about my mother's abortion. But my grief was delayed and I feel somewhat angry with myself for this. Even though I have experienced delayed grief over other losses in the past, never did it take almost 20 years to be able to shed more than just a tear or two occasionally over a death. So in addition to feeling sadness and depression, there are also feelings of guilt and shame, not just for continuing to exist while his existence was shattered, but for being void of any true feeling about his death for so long.

I have spoken to caring, well-meaning people about what I've felt over the past few weeks. I told them how it started with bitterness and anger towards those who I believed to be sell-outs to the pro-life cause (I feel bad for feeling those things as well, since I know my anger isn't truly directed at them) and ended with an honest evaluation of myself that led me to the conclusion that I was hurting, without even knowing it, over this injustice that happened 15 years prior to my birth. I was hurting and I'd kept that truth from myself for a long time, choosing to focus on other hurts that actually happened to me directly and have lived to see myself. 

I've gotten quite a variety of responses to the news of my new-found grief. One response was, in not so many words, "I understand your grief. It's okay to mourn. But the abortion was meant to happen due to circumstances at the time. The baby is in heaven. So don't worry and just be thankful that you were born." Others understood that the abortion that took place was wrong and should never have happened, understood my sadness, but I noticed hesitation in talking about the situation and eagerness to change the subject so that I would focus on other problems I have that are fixable. True, I have many problems that need to be addressed. I don't deny that. I know these people are trying to love me and look out for me and I appreciate their care and concern for me as a whole. But right now, my ability to focus on everything other than the abortion is damaged. It is there 24/7, whatever I do, wherever I go. It's not quite as easy to escape as some might think. Then of course, there was the relieving "you're not alone" response from someone who is also a post-abortive sibling. I felt the strong urge last night to reach out to her because I knew she would understand the most. 

This is truly one of those unique predicaments to be in where someone has to be caught in the same trap to be able to really relate. It is different from a parent's post-abortive grief, because it was not your own child that was aborted. For siblings, we may not have even been alive when the abortion happened. But we experience the tragedy of it in our own unique way. It is a specific brand of trauma. One might ask how this is trauma. "You weren't even born when it happened, so how did it traumatize you?". Think back to September 11, 2001. If you are American, you know what happened on that day. If you were alive and at an age of understanding at the time (in other words, if you are about 18 years or older) you probably remember. I'm not sure about people in other parts of the United States, but specifically those of us in and around the Tri-State area, we were traumatized by those terrorist attacks. Not all of us had family or friends who were in those towers, but just the thought of something like that happening so close to home was terrifying. For a while afterward, we would actually feel discomfort whenever we saw airplanes flying over our heads. We didn't want to be in crowded areas. We were scared.

No, there were no images of my mom's abortion. There was no live television broadcasts showing it happening. Thousands of people did not die when it took place (although I'm sure other babies were being aborted in other rooms of the facility my mom was taken to at the time). But I have seen pictures of aborted babies. I have seen videos of what happens during an abortion. After all, I've been in the pro-life movement for close to 4 years now. I know what an unborn baby looks like at 13 weeks (that was how far along my mom was when the abortion took place). There IS a person there. They have arms and legs, they have a heartbeat and brain waves. And according to this ultrasound picture, they also have the ability to cover their eyes in response to light at this period of gestation.

Yes, to imagine a tiny family member, who is obviously human, being torn to pieces and suctioned away like trash is traumatizing. I remember years ago having a dream about babies falling out of windows to their deaths and seeing them bleeding on the ground in pieces. This dream occurred way before I ever got involved in the pro-life movement. Could that dream have been symbolic of an event that affected my own life, even though I was yet to be born when it happened? This matter isn't a joke. This isn't an attempt to attract attention. This is real. And this is unlike any other trauma I've experienced in my life. So this is something quite new and scary to me. I'm sad, I'm angry, I'm terrified, I'm confused, I'm ashamed, and I'm alone... or at least it feels that way.

To be clear on what I think of incremental change in the pro-life movement...

As I read over all of my posts before this one, I discovered that I may have given off a wrong impression on something. It may seem I am one of those pro-lifers who believes nothing other than the complete criminalization of abortion is acceptable as progress. I don't want to mislead people into thinking this is true. Clearly, my goal is to see Roe v. Wade overturned and abortion banned and I do believe that should be the ultimate goal of all pro-lifers. We should continue to push personhood of the unborn... that is what I want to see... the recognition of the personhood of the innocents being slaughtered. However, I am absolutely NOT against doing what we can to save as many unborn children as we can in the meantime. I applaud those who pray in front of abortion clinics and counsel women to choose life. Heck, that is what I choose to do as a career when I finish college... counsel women in crisis pregnancies. I applaud the closing of abortion clinics and changing hearts and minds about the issue. I don't have a problem with progress. What I have a problem with is people saying that our pro-life work should end there and that we should not be enforcing pro-life laws. I have a problem with them saying that we shouldn't fight Roe v. Wade.

How quickly people forget what they've learned in their history classes. Did you know that when slavery was legal, not everyone owned slaves? There have always been people who thought slavery was wrong and chose not to participate. Not all of those people tried to fight for the rights of slaves though. Some chose to keep quiet and mind their own business. Many brave Americans risked their lives to free as many slaves as they could through underground railroads and hiding slaves in their homes. Still others pushed for the establishment of free states where slavery was not allowed. However, there were still slave states. If an African American was lucky enough to be born in a free state, praise God! They were spared and that was a great thing. But what about the ones born in slave states? They were still victimized simply because of the color of their skin. There was progress, and progress was good while slavery was still the law of the land. But there was no way that slavery was going to disappear by simply trying to win hearts over little by little. There was no way it was going to end by "leaving it to the states". Something else had to be done. There had to be people willing to put up a fight. There had to be abolitionists.

 Stephen Douglas was a U.S. Senator who agreed to allow states to determine

 their own slavery laws as they saw fit. To him, the concept of self-government

 took precedence over putting an end to the cruelty of slavery. Much like the

 mainstream Libertarian/Anarchist view of abortion takes precedence over ending

 abortion (I say mainstream because I'm aware that more conservative

Libertarians exist who have enough common sense to see that

this is a bad approach to the issue). Shall we allow history to repeat itself?

Now, I am not suggesting we have another civil war over abortion or that we pick up our guns and go shooting people who advocate abortion. I'm not suggesting violence. But I am suggesting using the law to fight them. I do believe God is calling us to overturn Roe v. Wade and I know that God never expects us to do such things on our own. But sometimes, we must display faith in Him first and do as He commands. Sometimes we are still called to march around cities blowing horns, to part seas, to lead tribes into battle, and to drive the moneychangers out of temples. No, none of these in a literal sense (although all of these were once literally carried out), but in a metaphorical one. The Israelites couldn't just sit there in their camp, expecting God to fight their cause while they looked on, mouths agape. They had to GET UP AND MOVE! God told them to MOVE before He would act on their behalf and defeat the enemy! Where would our nation be if people didn't get off their butts and MOVE to end slavery? Still in slavery! How many of the following statements regarding abortion would be accepted by pro-lifers who want nothing to do with making abortion illegal?

-"I am personally against slavery, but it's a person's choice whether or not they own slaves."

-"I believe slavery should be safe, legal, and rare."

-"Slavery is wrong, but who am I to force my beliefs upon someone else?"

-"We should just convince people why slavery is wrong and save as many slaves as possible."

-"Slavery is just as common in other countries that ban it... it is just done in secret in those nations."

-"Banning slavery won't stop people from owning slaves."

-"Each state should decide whether they allow slavery or not."

And may I remind you that the reason the courts allowed Roe v. Wade to become law of the land was to continue slavery in a concealed form? They could no longer oppress blacks by owning them as legal property. Now they were considered human beings equal to whites who had their own rights. And they were reproducing in mass numbers! Oh my! So what did elitist white America do? They decided to reduce the black population in a much sneakier way... by convincing them to limit their numbers, swallow birth control chemicals, agree to sterilization for government help, and have their babies destroyed before they ever saw the light of day. Here was Roe v. Wade, the ideal opportunity to legalize said destruction under the guise of liberating women! The red carpet leading to their racist dreams could not have been more perfectly laid out for them. And we who claim to be pro-life are going to allow this injustice to continue under the law because we don't want to offend people, anger them, and/or drive them to start riots and rebellions?

HOW ABOUT "NO"?! Doing what we can for the time being while personhood and the abolition of abortion is in the works is one thing. Doing what we can while leaving it to humanity to decide whether murder is right or wrong in their own eyes is completely different. It sounds like a nice ending to a fairytale. But we are not living in a fairytale. We live in reality.

Return to Sender

I do not own the rights to the original picture. I just altered it a bit to express my feelings about how abortion is, among many other things (wrong, selfish, despicable, etc), RUDE. It's unbelievably rude... an insult to the Creator. When someone puts their time and effort into making something for you, it's rude to send it back ungratefully. Abortion is no different.

Abortion = "Sorry, God. Your gift is unwanted."

Tears in Heaven

I guess I can sort of relate to this song. Apparently Eric Clapton wrote this song after his 4-year-old son fell to his death from an open window. Different from my grief, since it was not my child who died but my mother's child. And he didn't die accidentally from falling out of a window. He was dismembered and discarded as medical waste.

Oh no! The Duggars are influencing people to have big families!

For those of you who also follow pro-life news... is it just me, or does it seem like abortion advocates are running scared because of the Duggar family? Is all of the criticism and mockery really just for kicks and giggles? If so, wouldn't seeing more families follow suit be doing them a favor since it would add to their entertainment? After all, having a large family would be my personal CHOICE, right? I'm strongly considering throwing my hat in that ring! I'm looking forward to one day having babies.

But seriously, the amount of attention they have been paying to the Duggar family almost seems to border on obsession. Look at all of the closely-scheduled publicity they are getting from just ONE pro-abortion news outlet, Crushable:

June 21, 2014: They mad fun of Jill Duggar and husband Derick Dillard for waiting until their wedding day for their first kiss.

June 22, 2014: They decide to comment on Jill's wedding dress. I give them credit for actually complimenting the beautiful bride (if that compliment was even genuine), but then they make fun of the wedding dress choices of other members of the Duggar family.

June 24, 2014: They say farewell to childless Jill and an unwelcomed hello to a married woman who wants to become a mother.

June 25: 2014: They use their dirty minds to twist something Jill said about Derick's trumpet-playing skills contributing to the fact that he's a good kisser. I don't know if trumpet-playing has anything to do with being good at kissing, but if it doesn't, big deal. How do these pro-aborts know that Jill wasn't just making a little joke? And to turn what she said into, "Her Husband Blows Her Like a Trumpet"... that's seriously perverted.

Then there is a 2-month interlude between posts about Jill Duggar while the abortion advocates begin attacking Jessa Duggar. And alas, by mid-August, the fun with Jill Duggar begins again!

August 20, 2014: Making fun of Jill getting pregnant eight weeks after her wedding. Ummm... so what? They're married.

September 3, 2014: Abortion advocates gag themselves because Jill and Derick announced their pregnancy shortly after learning they were pregnant and because they added a pro-life message to their announcement. It was Jill and Derick's CHOICE to do all of these things the way they did, but you didn't actually think they were really for choice, right?

Call me quick to jump to conclusions, but behind all of the hilarity, I smell fear. Fear that the idea of larger families may once again be embraced by some couples in our society. Fear that more pro-life children will be raised to fight against their precious Roe v. Wade. Fear that abortion is in the beginning stages of aborting itself.

No offense to my Libertarian friends, but I have some concerns about your party.

I see a lot of Christians identifying as Libertarians. That is fine and all, but I think such people need to be aware of what true Libertarian values look like and make sure that no one mistakes them for someone who they are not. It's no secret, people... true libertarianism is anarchism. Just watch this video interview between an anarchist and Libertarian Julie Borowski. Now do not misunderstand me, I am a fan of hers and I agree with many of the economical aspects of Libertarianism such as eliminating the IRS, not getting ourselves involved in wars for no good reason (although I do believe on rare occasions, war may be necessary, but for the most part I agree), I disagree with military drafts and I don't think anyone opposed to a war should have to fight in it or pay for it, I support abolishing minimum wage, etc. However, here is one of my major beefs against Libertarianism... IT IS PRO-CHOICE. In their party platform, they make this clear. Though there are Libertarians who are pro-life and want to see laws reflect their views, the majority of them DO NOT. They respect your pro-life views, but they want everyone to mind their own business on the matter. In our constitution, we are guaranteed the right to life above all other rights, including liberty.

My apologies if I am wrong on this, but in this video interview with Ms. Borowski, not only does she disapprove of the federal government getting involved with the legal status of abortion, but it sounds like she also disapproves of any state involvement either. In other words, she's opposed to abortion, but supports keeping it legal and convincing people that abortion is wrong. I love you a lot, Julie, but I don't think you have encountered as many abortion advocates as I have. Some of these people do not care that what is being carried is a child. They hold no regard for scripture or God's word on life before birth. They see unborn children, throughout all 40 weeks of pregnancy (and sometimes shortly after birth as well) as nothing more than parasitic germs in need of purging. They don't care that there are alternatives such as adoption. Many pro-choice people out there can be reasoned with. Many even admit that it is sad when abortions happen. Others are not so reasonable. Some of them you will never find common ground with. 

Julie says that we should keep it legal because she has talked to people in countries where it is illegal and they tell her it is just as common in those nations because there are many "back-alley" abortions. Because illegal abortions are not reported, there is no real way of knowing whether or not that is true. And even if it is, it does not give us an excuse to keep it legal. There are thousands of babies dying from abortion every day in the United States. I do think the numbers would certainly go down if people were faced with the possibility of doing prison time for performing an abortion or obtaining one. And she also says she has no problem with birth control being available over the counter? What kind of birth control are we speaking about here? Condoms? The Today Sponge? Contraceptive film? Okay. Those have already been available over the counter for years. But what about hormonal contraceptives and emergency contraception? Those have potentially dangerous chemicals in them. Should a licensed medical professional who knows how those chemicals work be required to give out a prescription for such things?

Back to the subject of abortion... what about murder of people who are born? Should we make that legal too? It doesn't seem like it's doing much keeping it illegal, people are still killing each other. Or is it? Wouldn't we want the laws to make sure that people who murder are punished and at least imprisoned for their crimes? Dare I ask these pro-lifers... WHAT IS THE DIFFERENCE BETWEEN KILLING A PERSON YOU CAN SEE RIGHT IN FRONT OF YOU AND KILLING AN UNBORN CHILD?!?! If you say nothing, then you are inconsistent to say that abortion should remain legal. If you say there is a difference between killing the unborn and the already-born, then you may as well join the pro-choice movement. THERE IS NO EXCUSE for opposing one form of murder and condoning another. They all are God's creations. This, among other things, is one of the dangerous end results of Libertarianism. So if you are a Libertarian Christ-follower who believes that abortion SHOULD be banned, it would be a good idea to make sure other Libertarians who believe otherwise do not mistake you for individuals like themselves who think the laws should not punish murderers. I understand the small government thing... I really do. But if people are being robbed of their lives and it takes our government to make sure that does not happen legally, punishing criminals who do it illegally, I don't see a problem with using said government to make it law.

No offense to Ms. Borowski. I like a lot of her stuff and I don't expect to agree with everyone on everything, but the main idea of her party's platform is basically to let everyone do as they please, even if what they are doing is immoral and destructive to others. I think some of you Christian Libertarians out there would do good to try following Alfonzo Rachel. He doesn't line up with everything Libertarians believe (he identifies as a conservative Republican), but just like Julie, he hates taxes and believes income taxes should be abolished, opposes government involvement in education, supports the right to bear arms, dislikes feminism, and opposes abortion... except he opposes Roe v. Wade as well.

Why now?

I read an article today about the effects of abortion on subsequent children. It mentions how emotions influenced by tragic events, including abortion, can be inherited by children of post-abortive parents. I have no idea if this is true or not, since my mother's coerced abortion was never held secret from me... my mother told my sister and I about this when I was still a young child, but something about it does make sense. I've also inherited emotions about my grandfather's murder, which took place long before I was born, and oddly enough happened the exact same year my brother was aborted... merely months afterward. "My parents made me have my baby killed." I don't think I fully comprehended what she was saying at the time, though I knew what death and killing were. She didn't just mention it once, either. Occasionally over the years she'd talk briefly about it, but never in much depth. So I have known this fact for close to 20 years.

As I mentioned in my last post, I suffer from major depression and anxiety, among other things. A lot of this stems from abuse I endured as a child, witnessing domestic violence, and being rejected by friends, boys (both ones who dated me and ones I had just liked who pretended to feel the same way but did not) and family over and over again throughout the years. I don't easily trust people, I often withdraw from communication with people suddenly, sometimes but not always knowing the reason why. As much as I've been affected by the types of trauma I've encountered, I've always felt there was something else that happened that I couldn't remember. For years, I believed it was very likely to be sexual abuse of some kind that I experienced as a child and blocked out. Now, though, that theory is beginning to die out.

I've been active in the online pro-life movement for years now. I always knew that one reason was for my brother's sake, but it has always mostly been as a recognition that individuals whom God Himself created were being dehumanized and slaughtered on a daily basis and needed to be saved... much like how the Jews who endured the Holocaust were dehumanized and slaughtered, needing outsiders to speak up for them and come to their rescue. These were God's chosen people and the bible tells us that as we do to His chosen, so shall it be done to us. Professing Christians in their own community were not coming to their aid, even when they were in church and heard the screams from the trains passing by their churches on Sunday mornings. At a point where it was almost too late, other nations not involved in the atrocity FINALLY stepped in.

There are still "Christian" politicians today who claim we should have minded our own business and not interfered with what was going on in Europe during the Holocaust. But I wonder if they would have felt the same if they'd been reduced to a number in one of those concentration camps. The same ones believe that the states should be in charge of either banning abortion or keeping it legal. Leave it to the states. Let some states keep it legal and we'll focus on saving babies in the states that ban it. I get the idea that possibly, as some states ban it, that may influence others to follow suit. But in a society like the one we are in, with sin and selfishness everywhere, the demand for abortion is very unlikely to disappear. And there will always be people willing to seize that opportunity and perform them legally to reap the financial rewards. 

True, anything is possible with God, and He could change the hearts of everyone in the world on abortion. But as we see the signs of the times, realize, too, that the bible tells us sin is supposed to increase, not decrease. The enemy's time is running short, so God is allowing him to run rampant while he still can. And if the enemy is allowed prevent as many would-be followers of Christ as he can from entering the world, he will take the opportunity. We will not be able to fully stop abortion in any way. But at least by pushing for a federal ban on abortion, we can punish those who dare to perform them illegally. Leaving it to the states does not help. It did not help my sibling. Abortion was still not performed in Connecticut in 1974. So my mom was driven to New York for the abortion. What did the "leaving it to the states" approach do for my aborted sibling and is that truly how God wants us to handle the situation? Yet again, these same politicians are against the death penalty. I'm not exactly for it, but I'm not against it either. The man who murdered my grandfather is sitting in a jail cell for the rest of his life. He took the lives of others and continues to live his. I don't mind the fact that he didn't get the death penalty, but I do mind the fact that he didn't and my sibling did. That doesn't seem fair because one was innocent and the other was guilty. What hypocrites. And they say they are in favor of LIBERTY?! Without the right to life, all other rights are useless.

I've found myself increasingly bitter towards such people, I'm going to admit it straight up. I understand pro-choicers wanting to keep abortion legal, and I even choose to brush off pro-life seculars who don't want to overturn Roe v. Wade. The fear of God is the beginning of wisdom. If they do not fear God, can I expect them to believe any different? They have no wisdom. But a pro-life Christian saying we should not overturn it? That makes me angry... very angry. I have trouble embracing such people. I can only see them as traitors. I pray hard each day that God will help me not to be so resentful towards them because I know these feelings are not an expression of Christ's love. I was forced to ask myself, "What on earth is wrong with me? Why can't I stop being angry about these people?". And beyond the anger, I found that at the root was sadness. A sadness that stretches so deep and pierces my heart to the very core. 

Sure, being a sibling survivor always bothered me, but never to the point of this magnitude of depression. Well, something has changed, and now it does. The hole is wider than it's ever been and stepping back to take a good look at its size has brought me to the reality that this hole is nothing simple than can be boarded up, painted over, and forgotten about. There is something, or rather someone, missing. Someone was taken from me. This is true with my grandfather as well, but in his case, justice was served and the criminal is behind bars now. The community recognized the murder as a tragedy and there was support for my family. But with my brother, the murderer was likely never prosecuted. That abortionist could still be alive out there somewhere, living his or her life as normal. That person was never legally charged or frowned upon for their crime. And half the people you can explain these feelings to will laugh and say, "You're crying over a clump of cells?!" 

Even pro-life "Christians" do not always understand it. To them, it's something you just have to "suck up" and leave in God's hands. That's easy to say when abortion has not affected you and your family. The post-abortive mothers are embraced, the fathers who had no say are embraced. But what about the siblings, the grandparents, the cousins, aunts and uncles? True, we were not directly involved. But we still mourn. But we are overlooked. We are forgotten. And all the while, our heats and souls cry for justice. I'm not saying I want abortionists to be executed. But at the very least, they should be serving heavy prison time.

Introduction

I guess I will start by welcoming whoever may read this to my blog. This is really the first blog I've ever had. I'm more used to social media websites such as MySpace, Facebook, Google + and Twitter so bear with me if things seem a bit awkward with this until I get the hang of it. 

My main reason for starting this up was to be able to give words to my thoughts about life as I have experienced it, spiritual truths, and injustices in the world, particularly abortion and related issues, in a quiet setting where I don't have to read a news feed full of depressing posts about wars, beheadings, and nonsense politics. I'm not saying I don't have political views, as I most certainly do, but over the past few years I have realized that putting too much faith in politics is an invitation for disappointment among many other things. 

I used to call myself a Christian, but now am careful not to use that term. I see too many people claiming this label while completely disregarding the teachings of Christ and horribly twisting the Word of God to fit their own agendas (all believers have their times of straying, their stumbling blocks, weaknesses, and occasional misinterpretations... I am no exception... but this seems to be a permanent state of being for some who call themselves Christians). Therefore, I prefer to think of myself as a Christ-follower... a Jesus freak if you will. While all Christ-followers are Christians, not all Christians are Christ-followers, a very sad reality. 

I am 100% pro-life (anti-abortion, anti-euthanasia). One of the millions of children slaughtered in the United States since abortion was legalized in 1973 was my sibling.

All of that being said, I will give readers some more facts about me some of which would be a good idea to keep in mind if you continue to follow me and others which are totally random and have no real significance:

-I have been clinically diagnosed with major depressive disorder, generalized anxiety disorders, social phobia, and post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD). Although no formal diagnoses have been made for obsessive compulsive disorder (OCD) and ADD, I do know I suffer from the former and suspect I may also have the latter. I struggle often with these things, but by the grace of a loving God, I always manage to pull through the dark chapters of my life.

-I am what a friend of mine refers to as a "Heinz 57"... I am a mix of several different nationalities... a good old-fashioned mutt. I identify mostly as Italian, however, since that takes the biggest chunk of my whole and my personality, habits, and tastes tend to lean towards what you'd imagine from a typical Italian woman.

-My blood type is A+. What does that mean? It means I'm the highest grade of human and I'm awesome. Yes, I'm kidding about that first conclusion, but as for the second, I am kind of awesome lol.

-My personality type is INFJ. INFJs make up less than 1% of the human population, so it is very rare. This explains why I am so different from everyone else and easily misunderstood. If you look up this personality type, you'll discover that I am not easily fooled, I am friendly to all but only form close bonds with some, I'm passionate about things I believe in and determined to help others.

-I am a young-earth creationist. I trust the book of Genesis to be literal. I once considered the possibility of old-earth creationism, but when I saw that the implications of this theory would essentially mean that death existed before the creation of man (which I know to be false because there was no death or suffering until after the fall), I quickly rejected it as unbiblical.

-I am well-known by friends and family as a true crazy cat lady. I adore cats, always have, always will. I love other animals as well, but none more than cats. I even think they are cute when they are angry and ready to attack. I actually relate better to cats than other humans, go figure.

-I have a great singing voice. Most people have never heard it, though, because I'm too chicken to sing in front of anyone.

That's all I can really think of to say at 5:30 in the morning, so I'll leave off there. Thanks for reading my first blog post. God bless.